


Lilian's Alphabet

by Solitae



Series: Lilian Hawke, mage revolutionary [4]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-02-07
Updated: 2012-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-30 18:44:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/334898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solitae/pseuds/Solitae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of short fics about f!mage Hawke, Lilian and the people in her life. Each one focuses on a different person that has influenced her in some way. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A is for Andraste

_Dear Andraste,_  
   
 _Do you really like the Chant? Don't you want to hear something different from time to time? I mean, that has to get boring after a while, all that droning on about the Black City. I bet you want to hear a good tavern song sometimes! Or maybe a love song!_  
   
Lilian hums a bar offkey and giggles, the words a little crooked. That's what a glass of brandy will do. Well, several glasses of brandy.

_What do you think of that priest who wears your face on his belt buckle? Isn't that sacrilege? Or do you like having your face between his legs? I should find out what's under his armor. Speaking of what's under armor, do you really wear frilly knickers? Everyone always says "Andraste's frilly knickers"! I bet you don't though. Who wants to wear them under armor? They'd bunch up! Oh! That must be why the Templars wear skirts! They wear the frilly knickers!_

A scowl creeps over her face, and she dips her pen again.

_Sodding Templars. Where did they come from? Were they part of what you wanted? Did you really mean to lock up all the mages and throw away the key? I know the Tevinters were bastards. I know they're still bastards, but is this what you meant?_

_Balls, as if anyone has any idea what you meant! What you wanted, who you were. Varric's stories about me are a week old, and they're not true. No one cares that they're not true. They just want the good story. Is that what happened to you? Were you just some desperate sod that didn't want to be a slave any more, and you found people to help you stay free?_

_Did it just snowball from there? Was it like Isabela says, everyone got pulled in and no one knows why it started? Maybe you really did want to free the slaves. Maybe you wanted to help the elves. They're still mostly slaves by the way. Did you know that?_

She scrawls harder, the lines dark and deep, blotches of ink scattering over the page.

_Did you really hate magic? Or did you just hate the magisters? I don't blame you if you hated them, but it talks about lightning raining down from heaven. Could you control lightning? What about fire? That sounds like a mage to me._

The page nearly tears as she slashes her pen over it.

_You know what I really think? I think you were a sodding mage. And I think you were pissed off about being a slave. I think they backed you into a corner. I think you didn't know what else to do, and then you heard some voice promising you power and revenge and freedom. But that wasn't the Bloody Maker. He didn't talk to you. It was just a spirit or a demon! Maybe it told you it was the Maker, maybe you didn't realize demons lie! And you agreed, agreed to be it's bride and it's voice in this world, and that's what really happened._

_And the Chantry and the Chant of Light are just so much bullshit. They have no idea that the woman everyone holds up as this pinnacle of all that is good and holy was just a possessed mage. And now they lock up people like you. They kill people like you. In your name. Is that what you wanted?_

The pen pauses and Lilian glowers at the page.

_To the Void with you and your Blighted Chantry._

The page ends up in the fireplace, and Lilian curls up with Remi on the bed, her face buried into the mabari's side.

Fire nibbles at the edges of the page, curling and blackening them until it finally takes hold. The flame flares bright, and it’s gone, leaving only ash behind.


	2. B is for Bethany

Bethany's hand trembles in hers, and Lilian squeezes it tighter. "It'll be okay, Bethy."  
   
Bethany sniffles and leans on her, her voice small, "Papa will be angry."  
   
"He'll understand!" Lilian juts her chin out. She is eight now. She and Papa have been working on her magic, and she _knows_ what just happened even if Bethany doesn't. There are some secrets she keeps from Papa, but this isn't one of them.

"Sissy, I set Carver's shirt on _fire_!"

"He shoved you into the mud! And you didn't mean to!"

Bethany gives her a doubtful look, eyes wide and damp as she clings to Lilian's hand.  "He scared me!"

"I know, Bethy." Lilian wraps both arms around her. "I'll tell Papa that."

It takes some coaxing, but Lilian is unrelenting. Eventually, she gets Bethy to Papa in his workroom, and still holding on to her baby sister, she tells him the story for Bethany, careful to leave nothing out. Especially what Carver did.

Papa listens in that quiet way where she knows he hears every word she says, and her arms tighten around Bethy. When she finishes, he crouches in front of them and pushes a muddy strand of hair out of Bethany's face. She remembers that same look when he found her killing monsters under her bed, worn and worried, and she wants to hug him and tell him it'll be okay.

"I'll help, Papa," she promises, and he smiles a little.

"I know, little bit." But his attention is mostly on Bethy who is staring at him with wide fearful eyes. Lilian lets her go so Papa can hug Bethy and perches on her low stool.

She's heard Papa's warning before, but this is different. This time he isn't telling her. This time it's Bethy, and the thought that someone could hurt Bethy because she's a mage trips something in Lilian. Anger pools in her belly, and she feels cold. She feels like she could hurt all the people that want to hurt Bethy or Papa. She doesn't care what they do to her.

She vibrates in her chair, and when she looks up, she sees Papa watching her with Bethy cuddling against him. He meets her eyes, and she swears he can hear what she's thinking. With a jolt, she understands. Understands that he feels the same thing.

They'll keep Bethy safe together.


	3. C if for Carver

"I know the value of family"

And then he walked out the door. A Templar. Mother collapsed. And Lilian stayed. She held Mother and raged silently.

It didn't matter that the Templars stayed away from the estate. Carver wasn't the only Templar that knew about her.

She wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t there in the blighted foundry looking for Mother with her.

It made no difference that Meredith didn’t know that she was a mage. Anyone could have told her, and many had to keep it from her.

And though he fought with them when Meredith tried to kill her, all Lilian could think of was how long he had fought _for_ Meredith.

She had no idea what happened to him when she left Kirkwall. She didn’t care.

Months later, the changes in the world found them both sheltering in the Grey Warden complex in Denerim.

Lilian made no effort to see him. There was work to be done. It made no difference.

But he found her. Late one night, she was the last to leave the common room.

"Sister." Carver stepped in from the corridor. "Cullen said you were here."

Lilian looked up at him without expression.

"Listen, I-"

"Hawke," she corrected.  And then she walked out the door.


	4. D is for Daisy

  
  
“Hawke! What are you doing...” Merrill’s eyes widened as she peered out her door. “Not that you’re not welcome, but I didn’t expect...Creators, this place is a mess! _Ir abelas!_ ”  
  
Lilian laughed a little too brightly, “It’s fine, Daisy! Can I come in?”  
  
Merrill let her in, and Lilian ignored her sidelong look, instead focusing on the mirror laid out flat in the middle of the room, books, papers catching tiny shards of glass and wood, and who knew what else lying around it. The arulin’holm sat in a box next to it.   
  
“I’ll just put this aw-”  
  
Lilian looked up. “It’s fine, really!” She crouched down next to the mirror, careful not step on anything around it. “Are you getting anywhere?”  
  
The mirror’s surface looked as dull as it always had, and Merrill frowned. “It’s too early to say.”  
  
As they studied the mirror, the silence between them grew, neither one speaking as Lilian sat down on the floor, her knees tucked against her chest. Merrill knelt at the top of the mirror, concentrating on shaping an edge.  
  
“Want some help?” Lilian finally offered, her chin resting on her knee  
  
Merrill blinked, “You don’t have to, _lethallan_.”  
  
Silence threatened again, and Lilian caught herself twisting her fingers, Merrill’s words on Sundermount still echoing in her mind: _You know what it’s like to lose everything, Hawke._  
  
They had driven her out of the estate, the empty rooms throwing it back in her face. Father, Bethany, Lothering, Mother, Carver, home, the lives and memories the Blight had consumed.   
  
But Lilian just shrugged, “I know, still thought maybe I could...I don’t know.” A smile crept over her lips. “It’d be amazing if we could get this to work!”  
  
Merrill’s face lit up, and she scooted closer to Lilian, their heads bent together as they tried to restore a little of what was lost.


	5. E is for Enchanter (Sandal)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(It was supposed to be E is for Elthina, but I felt like doing something lighter. And I have a bunch of options vying for S, so here's Sandal!)_

"Have you seen Remi?" Lilian called as she rounded the corner into the workroom she shared with Sandal, nearly tripping an old broken staff. Both the dog and the dwarf were flopped on their stomachs. Remi poked his nose forlornly at a broken piece of stone, and Sandal stared at the half dozen small chunks with heartbreak in his eyes. 

"Oh no!" Lilian scampered over to them, trying not to snag her boots on anothers staff or one of the many many crates. "What happened? Is that the new charm you were working on, Sandal?" 

He nodded, his lower lip wobbling. Remi whined and leaned his head on Sandal's leg.

"You've been working so hard on that! Will it still work if we put it back together?"

The dwarf just shrugged then slumped his shoulders, still looking at the pieces on the floor, but Remi stared at her with soulful pleading eyes. 

Lilian shook her head and ruffled Remi's ears. "You know I'm not very good at Sandal's charms." The mabari nudged her hand, and she laughed. "Oh, fine. I'll see what I can do." She plopped down on the floor tailor-style and tried to fit a few of the pieces together.

Sandal poked one toward her as she chewed her lip, and she found that it fit with the one she was holding. "Ooo, look!" She grinned. The dwarf looked sulky, but he nodded as Remi pawed at another piece.

After a few tries, she managed to put it back together. As she was setting the last one into place, she caught Sandal shooting Remi a grin. "Wha-" But the piece was in place, and rings of light burst over her. Gales of laughter and barking rang out from the pair of them, and Lilian realized she couldn't move. At all. She tried to lift her arm, but the paralysis spell was a sodding good one. 

She blinked at the dwarf. He giggled uncontrollably while trying without success to look innocent. Lilian narrowed her eyes at him which made him laugh more. Remi bounced over to her and slobbered all over her face, yapping excitedly.

Sandal barked at Remi, and the mabari bounded over to him. The blighted dog looked far too smug, and so did the Sandal, neither one even slightly concerned by her scowl. The dwarf tapped her on the nose with a grin. "Enchantment!"

Giggling, he grabbed Remi by the collar, and they tore out of the room. Stuck there on the floor, Lilian swore revenge.


End file.
